I have been attending my ARP meetings most weeks. I am thankful for these meetings, no matter how many woman are there. It is a place that I can go and feel the spirit for an hour. I am able to relax and focus on recovery through gospel principles. Next week will be my one year anniversary of attending meetings. I can't believe it has almost been a year since I entered those doors, terrified beyond belief. I am so grateful for the help of my dear friend who attended that first day with me and has continued to attend when she is able. What a strength, blessing and support she is in my life.
The Addiction Recovery Program has been a strength to me in all aspects of my life, most especially spiritually. I do not know where I would be right now spiritually without this program. I am so thankful for the support and love from the women in the group and for the wonderful missionaries leading the program, especially Sister C.
General Conference was a time for me to reflect. I was able to contemplate on the current situation in my life and those that have occurred in the past. It surprised me that some of the things that I thought would be talked about were not really mentioned at all. Then there were topics that were mentioned quite often. I hope to blog more about some of the talks after I read them and/or listen to them in the upcoming week.
Elder Scott had some great thoughts about repentance, the difference between weaknesses and rebellion, and the atonement. Ah, I still have questions and a lack of understanding about these things. I desire to take his words and apply them to my life. I sincerely hope that repentance will bring relief and comfort in the healing of my soul. This week I celebrated a pretty big milestone (for me anyway) in the recovery process. I cannot even remember the last time I have been 100% clean for this length of time. It has been the loneliest, most difficult experience for me. Yet, at at the same time, I have felt an inner strength that I did not know I had. That feeling of strength has not always been there, but when it has, I have been so thankful. One week ago I came within seconds of throwing it all away. Somehow my "wise mind" kicked in and that strength filled my soul with no time to spare. I was able to crawl back into the safety of Christ's love. The struggle continues however. The temptations, cravings and desire are still very powerful at times. Though not nearly as often, which is a blessing. I am continuing to do whatever I have the strength to do, in those moments, to withstand the adversary and fill my soul with strength from God.
