Goals

I have always had goals in my life. I was raised in the church, so I was taught at an early age to set goals and then go for it. Then when I was a teenager, I set a lot of goals in the Young Women's program. I earned my Young Womanhood Award my senior year in high school. I then earned it again when I served as Young Women's President in my ward for five years. Those five years were the years I was the most clean (not 100%, but the slips were few and far between). So, yes, I have a been a goal making person.

I have goals now. But the most important goal currently is to take my recovery minute by minute. Sometimes not even day by day because I can only promise myself  to move forward minute by minute. As I walked out of one of my therapists office yesterday, he said "stay strong until I see you again next week". My response was "I will take it day by day and I plan on seeing you next week". That was the best I could do.  I had another goal too that went along with my spirituality and recovery, but I have had to let that one go. It was too much pressure and unattainable, so I have had to let it go. It hurts to let goals go, but it is for the best. I will leave that for another post.

In my Addiction Recovery Support Meeting Wednesday night, the spirit was strong. I thought about the purpose of the meetings and what I get from attending each week. Some might think I am a bit crazy for going to the support meeting, when I am the one that is the addict. But since there is not a women's only PASG here in my area (yet), this is the best I can do for myself.  I believe the meeting is fulfilling it's purpose for me and is what I need right now in my life. I am not out to expose myself and bare my soul to strangers, that is what my time spent with my bishop and therapists is for. I know I am an addict, God knows and the key people in my life know. I am open about it with them. I have not felt inspired to share it with the group I attend, though some of the things I say make it quite obvious. Maybe someday I will feel that I need to say something more, but I am being led by the spirit in what to say. I am at the meeting for the sole purpose to feel the spirit, gain strength from these loving women, learn from their experiences, gain a testimony of the atonement, find out more about Jesus Christ, learn gospel principles, study the 12 steps to help them become a part of my life and to find hope in recovery. Those purposes are being fulfilled, and I am gaining friends a long the way.

Another goal in my recovery is to keep attending these meetings. They have helped me more in my recovery than any other single thing has in regards to my testimony. When I started going in October 2012, my testimony was at rock bottom. Since working the steps and attending weekly, I have started to think about the gospel in a different way and feel more hopeful. Everyone's path to recovery is different, and this is the path I have been guided by the Savior to take.

Now, time to move on to the next minute of my life and continue today's recovery journey.

***Day 23***