Staying On The Lord's Side

I have been thinking about this quote from General Conference by Elder Scott. It seems like common sense and I should just know this and believe it. However, when I am caught up in my addiction I seem to lose the sense of what is really on the Lord's side. I need help and encouragement and reminders as to what is on the Lord's side and sometimes I need those reminders over and over.

I am thankful that Heavenly Father has provided me with some amazing blessings that help me stay on the Lord's side, even on the darkest of days. One of the blessings in my life is my best friend. She knows what I am struggling with and she loves me unconditionally. We have fun together doing a variety of things and she provides needed reminders of how to stay on the Lord's side. She is the best cheerleader and celebrates any big and small successes with me.

Another blessing in my life is ARP. My entire day today was emotional for me for a variety of reasons. I didn't know earlier in the day if I would go to ARP because of how I was feeling emotionally. A few hours into the day, I knew that I must be there no matter how many tears were going to be shed. I have been clean & sober for 27 days. But at times, it feels like I am only one minute into recovery. My best friend does another amazing thing....she attends ARP meetings with me. I cannot even explain to anyone how much this means to me and blesses my life in a variety of ways. I will save that for another post. But tonight at ARP, I had so many thoughts going through my mind. I felt such deep sorrow for my choice to engage in this sin. I am not sure I have ever felt this kind of sorrow in my life. I had a very difficult time keeping my emotions in check and controlling the tears. I experienced something tonight that was different, painful and full of regret for my choices. We were on Step 9 tonight, which focuses on restitution. When I think of this addiction, I have always thought that it was not hurting anyone but myself....but I am slowly starting to realize what this addiction has taken from me and how it has affected the relationships in my life.  I am not ready to tackle Step 9 since I am working on the steps in order (I am focused on Step 1 & 2 right now). But Heavenly Father made it clear to me tonight that these sins are affecting more people than just myself. And that I have quite a bit of very difficult work ahead of me.

I am committed to changing my life and becoming closer to my Savior. I am committed to the 12 steps. I am committed to improving my life minute by minute and day by day. I am committed to staying on the Lord's side. My heart is filled with gratitude for those that love me and encourage me and listen to me and hug me and provide reminders on how to stay on the Lord's side. I need those reminders and encouragement. Elder Scott's promise is a perfect reminder of my goal to be strong and battle this addiction. If I stay on the Lord's side, I will win this battle over pornography and it's related behaviors with His help.