My question that has been on my mind all day: What techniques and tools do you use to reach out for help when the temptation, cravings and urges are overpowering? What words are best to use?I am not good at letting anyone know when I need extra support. I needed extra help and support last night-late last night. I did some things that I thought was reaching out for help, but it was not enough and I did not have the courage I needed. Of course, talking to God is the best option. However, that didn't work last night either. I have been told that God answers prayers through others, and I have seen that in my life, but last night was not one of those nights. There were consequences.
Maybe I am meant to fight this addiction alone?
I am single and don't have a husband to reach out to for support and extra encouragement.
Any ideas or suggestions would be appreciated.
I am so thankful for this world of recovery brothers and sisters!
I asked Sidreis a very similar question the other day. She suggested sending a text message to ALL of your recovery friends, just send something that says, "ack! i'm triggering!" or something. That way you are now accountable to more than yourself and you will also begin to receive messages of support back. My phone is on vibrate during the night, sits on my desk next to my bed. TEXT ME! Or if you want, please, CALL ME! I am here for you. Love you tons and I am sorry about this hard time you are going through. You are tough though and I love you - i'm here for you. You are NOT meant to fight this addiction alone.
ReplyDeleteGood question. I find texting to be the easiest way for me, but I can see how if I didn't get a response I become easily discouraged. I also don't have a large net of people--I have my brother and Jana. And I guess I could FB message Sidreis as well. But, yep, that's pretty much it!
ReplyDeleteI have found the principle of distraction to be helpful, too. I'll call an old friend and catch up on their life and that conversation will generally be enough to push me to "Time to go to work" or "time to pick up my son from preschool" which further pushes me away from isolation. And often times the conversation itself will snap me back into reality and into a safe zone mentally.
Annette mentioned what I would say... I think it's important to not be vague. I know it's scary to reach out, fearing we are being dumb and being a total energy suck, but that is Satan whispering in our ears.
ReplyDeleteBe very specific about your needs "I am really triggering right now and I'd like to call you and talk about it" or "I'm really triggering right now and I'd like to carry on a conversation to help get my mind of it".. or "I'm really triggering right now, what are some things you do to get you through the hard time?" etc... be very specific. :-)
Chin up lady! Love ya!
Thank you dear friends. I really appreciate your advice. I have taken your advice and have a much better game plan. I feel your love and support and I know I am not alone!
ReplyDeleteI have a really hard time with this myself. I don't reach out often. I am always afraid. Afraid that I'll be burden. Afraid that if I reach out to a friend in recovery, somehow my triggering will make them trigger. Afraid that they'll judge me because they're not triggering right then so what the heck is wrong with me? Afraid that they will think I'm not taking recovery seriously. Afraid that what they say will make me feel stupid for reaching out. It's all ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteOne of the most helpful things to me was a previous bishop who gave me his cell number. I couldn't believe a BISHOP was giving him his personal line! I couldn't believe I didn't have to call the executive secretary before talking to him, if I really needed it! I put it to good use and he was ALWAYS there for me. Oh, I miss him. I haven't had any bishop before or since be THAT available to me. And there is NO way I'm going to as a BISHOP if I can have his cell number to call him when I need help. LOL. Anyway, I don't know what your relationship with your bishop is but if it's such that you COULD ask if you can text or call him when you need help, I would recommend doing that.
I'm also single, in my 30's. Well, I'm divorced. Sometimes I think this would be sooooo much easier if I had a husband to unload my day on. But, other times I'm soooo grateful I'm not putting a husband through this crazy addiction of mine. Anyway, it does feel very lonesome to not have someone at my constant disposal to talk to. I get you there.
This has so far been entirely unhelpful. :) I'm trying to let you know that i understand where you're coming from. :)
I have found that exposure is very helpful. The more trusted people I tell about my addiction, the more I'm compelled to remain sober. Not that I reach out to the people I tell, but it's that I don't want to let them down. I know they believe in me, and knowing that is extremely helpful. I don't know if you've told your parents, or a friend, or anyone who would continue to love you, but I recommend it. Well, it's helped me a great deal anyway.
This comment is already blog post length so I'll shut up. I hope you're doing well!
I love your comments. It's so nice to know we are not alone and that we have similar struggles. I am blessed with a close relationship with my bishop. Besides being my bishop, his wife is my best friend & I spend a lot of time with them. They are my parents age, but more like my age in spirit. She also knows about my addiction and is a huge source of strength to me. I feel lucky to have these two as part of my support network. It's a constant struggle not to feel like a burden though to them or to others in my life. But I just keep moving forward and counting my blessings. It's so nice to have this support group of sisters!
DeleteAt our house it is simply a statement of "I'm having a hard time" or "I'm feeling triggered." The use of the word 'trigger' is probably foreign to those outside the addiction recovery world. However, I use it even on FB figuring that there are those who understand and know that word...and they are the ones who will reach out to help me because they know what it means.
ReplyDelete"Trigger" is a good word. I use it for a variety of things, including addiction. Now if I could just train my friends to know what it means. Thanks for sharing! :)
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