Quietly Working the Steps

I have not written for quite a while due to the craziness and busyness of my life as a teacher. Thursday was the last day of school,, so maybe (that's a big maybe) my life will slow down a tad bit. I don't know if it will, but it's worth a try. I just keeping "one day at a time".

I have thought a lot of about some of the things that have transpired in my life in the last few weeks. I have wondered if any of the events are connected to my addiction. After deep thought, I have felt that only a few of them have a connection. And really, it's because of the events that my addiction even pops us. It is easy to blame so much on the addiction or the addictive personality, but in reality (for me), the addiction is just a symptom of a much larger problem. And the addiction is not the overwhelming symptom, it really just sits there in the darkness and pops up when it is convenient.

This addiction is not who I am and is not the consuming factor in my life. My life is filled with many, many things and I have overcome much bigger mountains than this addiction. I am climbing a very big mountain right now, with several smaller mountains at the top of this big peak, that I working on conquering. Does everyone need to know the details of this mountain? No. The ones that need to know or that I share with it with, are my bishop, my therapists and my closest friends. I appreciate the outside support of encouragement, but I realize we are all have mountains to climb and we all need different levels of support.

I am working very hard on the steps, even though I have not written about it on my blog for a few weeks. I am doing what I need to do to feel good about my ability to climb my mountains. I am thankful for those that have reached out to me with words of encouragement. My grandma died due to old age last week and it was a blessing to hear from some of my recovery buddies. It's nice to have recovery buddies. My goal in life has never been to be popular. My goal has been to be honest and real and not overly dramatic to draw attention to myself. I do not like to have the attention turned toward me. I am an introvert by nature (except when I am teaching my students), so you will not find me doing things to make people notice me.

I will continue to write quietly on this blog and reach out to others who need extra encouragement. I appreciate those that reach out to me and comment on my blog and try to get to know me. I know I think on a deeper level on some things when it comes to life and meaning and purpose and addiction. I know that through the 12 step program, there is hope in recovery.